Joyfully living in the present in the midst of experiencing holiday sadness

Written by Tanya Terry, with photos provided by Dr. Tiffany Quinn

Featured photo: Dr. Quinn

“The only moment that we have is right now.”

It’s what Dr. Tiffany Quinn, a local social worker, always says and a motto by which she lives by.

“I do a lot of volunteer work,” Quinn said. “I like to volunteer at the shelters, like Carriage Town. Next week, we’ll be doing a clothes and shoe giveaway at Church Without Walls. Seeing the gratitude and joy in others, it reminds me that I have something to give and something to live for. If you can even do something small for somebody, it can lift your spirits.”

Quinn, who is 60, received the Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award from President Joseph Biden on March 23, 2024, which she was given during a Women’s History Empowerment  Brunch held locally.

The Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award is given only to those who have given at least 20 years of service within their communities. The volunteer service award is a president’s opportunity to honor volunteers within the community.

But, life for Quinn hasn’t always been a bed a roses.

Quinn recently shared some of her most dramatic life experiences, as well as her  knowledge as a mental health professional with the Courier.

In 2019, Quinn’s youngest son, Kourtney Jones, died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition when he was only 31. Quinn has also lost her mother. Then, in June 2024, Quinn lost David, her husband of 15 years.

“When I first started facilitating grief and loss groups, I had experienced some loss, but it wasn’t as intense as it got over time,” Quinn said. “The older you get, the more people you loss, the more you experience life. So, I would teach from a book perspective, or a theory perspective. But now that over time I’ve experienced grief and it has evolved in my life, I am able to teach more about the daily life and what you deal with as you take grief along with you. Once you begin to experience complicated grief or traumatic grief – because there’s different types of grief – the more you experience traumatic loss, daily life can be a struggle.”

Quinn pointed out the holidays are really difficult times for many people. She suggested anyone who is grieving share memories and not be afraid to mention their loved one’s name. According to Quinn, the steps to reducing grief, depression and thoughts of suicide include processing, self care, healing, and, most importantly, finding support. However, Quinn said these steps may not occur in a particular order.

“There is no one size fits all solution,” Quinn adds. “For me, I just continue to pray and reflect on good memories and good times that I’ve shared with my loved ones. I allow myself to grieve, acknowledge that grieving is painful and avoid suppressing my thoughts.”

Quinn, who took Suicide Prevention Training with Dexter Clarke of Genesee Health System as part of her social worker training, said she used to have a hard time reaching out for support from others. However, she learned from Clarke the importance of therapy and support groups.

“Also, establishing a basic routine of just getting out of bed, eating and showering can help you move forward.”

Quinn stated one of the ways people can be mindful of those who are grieving is to be sensitive.

“You kind of just need to let people show up the way they need to show up and give them space. Don’t make them feel like they need to rush. Allow the grieving person to lead the conversation. If they’re not bringing up something, then you probably shouldn’t bring it up. They may be in a good space at that moment, and it could trigger them and send them into a sad space.”

Quinn stated if a person is isolating or staying in the house longer than two weeks, they need to seek help. She said over time, both laughter and talking about comforting memories can help the joy to return.

As far as her own life, Quinn shared she also has a lot of pictures, which she enjoys posting. She writes in her journal, creates poetry, cries when needed and shares about her own routines, traditions and stories of her “new normal” during the grief support group she leads.

Quinn stated: “I don’t let grief dominate every moment of my day – because life matters.”

Dr. Tiffany Quinn can be reached at dr.tjquinn2020@gmail.com. Her “Widows and Widowers Support Group” is on Facebook. She also recommends GriefShare, a network of support groups for those grieving the loss of loved ones.

Additionally, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached by calling or texting “988,” and Psychology Today offers a directory of therapists.