It’s OK if You Are “Too” Much   

 “I forgive myself for shrinking to fit into boxes that do not belong to me,” Alex Elle once wrote.  

Do you think you’re too much for some people or do you have to shrink to fit in? Enough already.   

Mental Health Advocate Emily Gough, who wrote in an article, Forgive Yourself for Shrinking into Spaces That Do Not Fit You, wrote that sometimes in life people face choosing to shrink themselves and their personalities to fit the needs of others.  

“I was recently around someone where I could feel myself shrinking to fit into their life, and immediately my body started throwing up alarm bells. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I’ve also learned to trust my body,” Gough said. “It doesn’t mean that anyone who makes you feel that way is a bad person, couldn’t be farther from the truth. And it also doesn’t necessarily mean that the connection should end — It’s simply one of many signals, and it’s something to pay attention to.”   

Also, sometimes bodily signals show up as an idea that “It might be less about the other person and more about how YOU are showing up and why.”   

Sometimes people are fearful to entirely let others in, and they wind up protecting themselves by “shrinking down” because individuals don’t know if the other person may be able to handle the true version of themselves.   

“Are you trying to manage the perceived outcome of a relationship by trying to force a connection? Or by showing up as who you believe they want you to be?” Gough asked, adding that it is time to turn that fear factor around and flip it on a positive note. “What if they liked the true version of you way more than the watered-down version you’re presenting? “  

According to honestlyrelatable.com, being too much can be a good thing because being the opposite is more worrisome.  

“Do not become small for people who refuse to grow,” the website author noted, adding that living a life trying to please people and not upset them is no way to live. “My focus was to fix whatever I was doing wrong, which I am thankful that I did because it was really important for me to realize that I was doing everything I could and it still wasn’t enough.”  

“You truly cannot win in that sort of a situation, no matter how hard you try to fix it. The thing is though, that sometimes people don’t want the situation to be fixed and that does not mean that you should continue to shrink in order for them to feel big,” the author said. “If the situation calls for you to not be who you are and stop growing, you need to realize that this is no longer about you, it’s about them and no matter what you do, you should keep your head up and smile, you are not the issue and until they address the incredible issue that is making them so uncomfortable that they lash out, nothing will be resolved.”  

Bustle.com notes that to stop shrinking for others’ approval it’s time to realize one doesn’t need approval from anyone to feel good about themselves – even if they are “too much.”  

“Essentially, confidence and validation go hand in hand,” according to the article.  

“A lack of confidence stems from a lack of trust in ourselves,” confidence coach Lisa Philyaw told Bustle. “When we don’t trust ourselves, then we look to others for approval. We trust their opinion more than our own, so we see their opinion as more valid because we’re not trusting ourselves or our perspective.”  

Here are some tips to trust yourself and appreciate your big personality even if others don’t:  

1. Surround Yourself with Nice People Who Aren’t Judgmental  

1. Check The Accuracy of Your Beliefs (and Change Your Perspective to Good)  

1. Remember To Practice and Strengthen Your Abilities  

1. Try To Understand Why You’re Seeking Approval and Understand That Motive  

1. Make A To-Do List of Goals and Do Them  

Once you have your list, start doing those things, says Dr. Kinga Mnich, a social psychologist, lecturer, and contributor to the article. “Confidence is a feeling and a belief that you can do things no matter how hard they are. Once you complete these fears you will not require approval from others.”